Vexitudo
noun
A quiet reluctance to release the pain that has woven itself into the fabric of your soul, an anchor in the stormy sea of yourself. It is the paradoxical craving for the weight that once burdened you, now essential in defining your contours.
From Latin 'vexare' (to shake, disturb) + 'habitudine' (habitual condition), hinting at a habitual coexistence with disruption. Pronounced 'vek-sih-TOO-doh'